The concept of submission in Christian marriage has been confused and misunderstood by many of us.While some of the men view it as a mandate to humiliate their wives, the women viewed it as a form of subjection, domination or relegation. Many men, especially in Africa, have transferred their understanding of the position of a wife from the cultural background to mean what the Bible calls ‘submission’.This has led many women to detest the word ‘submission’, in fact, many view it as a curse word.Sometimes we skip portions in the Bible that talk about it in order to save ourselves from any guilt.Whatever may be our view about submission we cannot rule out its significance in marriage according to God’s plan.

The Bible in Eph.5:22-25 says, “wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the Church, his body and himself its saviour.Now as the Church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her”.This portion of the Bible has generated a conflict of interest between husbands and their wives.While the husbands are saying they cannot love the wives that are not submissive; wives are saying they cannot submit to husbands that are not loving. So where is our stand as Christian couples? Should we undermine God’s word simply because of conflict of interest?
While Christian marriage is supposed to be an earthly picture of the relationship between Christ and His bride, the Church so that the world should be able to look at it and see a distinctive difference, it is unfortunate that we are busy debating over our responsibilities.We use God’s word to intimidate each other instead of using it to encourage ourselves.As a result, we have little or nothing to show the world that we are different.
Having been convicted on this concept of submission by the Holy Spirit a few years ago, I found it worthwhile to share my experience as a source of encouragement to those that desire to obey God’s word.This is my short testimony:
on 25th Oct.2015, on a Sunday morning when my husband was preaching on the theme, ‘what has distracted you’ the Holy Spirit suddenly revealed to me that I was disrespectful to my husband as such disobedient to God. I became deeply convicted that I began to sob.I discovered that I had become too familiar with my husband that I never respected him from my heart. I realised that my submission had been on the surface while in my heart I thought he didn’t deserve it because I felt he was not really performing his own role of loving me as Christ loved the Church. I cried out to God for forgiveness and asked Him to help me as I took a deliberate step to respect my husband deeply from my heart irrespective of any situation.God heard my cry and answered my prayer, I changed my mindset about my husband, instead of looking up to him as my source of joy I began to look up to Jesus and the Lord did not fail me.
Again on 12th Jan.2017, on a Thursday morning, my husband had scheduled an appointment with someone the previous day which he was to attend after breakfast, I also had planned what to do while he was away.After the breakfast, while I was washing the plates we used, I saw that my husband was not making a move to go so I asked him, ‘would you not go for your appointment anymore?’ he said no he had cancelled it.I became upset and grumbled in my mind because I knew he would want me to cook lunch for him and that would disrupt my own program.Suddenly I heard a voice clearly saying to me ‘after God your husband is next’.I paused and stood still not knowing what to do. I knew it was God that was speaking to me, once more I broke down. I cried for mercy to God and still asked Him to help me so that I will become His daughter indeed.
Since that time that I decided to submit to my husband from my heart without expecting anything in return, God filled my heart with love for my husband such that I never heard before.I now regard him with honour and dignity.In return, my husband began to demonstrate his love to me in a more practical way.We have become more intimate and free with each other. We are best of friends, each trying to please the other.Not to say we are perfect but we are striving to obey the word of God.
I have realised that submission is not subjection or domination nor relegation but it is a deliberate obedience to the word of God by reverencing your husband. Submitting to your husband does not mean you are an inferior human being than your husband, but it demonstrates your obedience to God. Both husband and wife were created in the image of God so no one is superior to another, both are equal before God.

Many women around the globe are receiving undue treatment from their husbands (even some Christian husbands)which make it difficult for them to submit to their husbands (humanly speaking). But for those who have put their trust in Christ, His grace is sufficient for them.If we put the interest of Jesus first He will also put our interest first, and when He put our interest first He will do for us what we ask Him to do for us.Let us be encouraged by the following Scriptures,2 Tim.2:11-12,has this to say,’if we died with him, we will also live with him;if we endure, we will reign with him;if we deny him, he also will deny us’.Jn.15:7, ‘if you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you’, Psm. 37:4,”Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desire of your heart”.Jam.1:12, Blessed is he who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive a crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him’.
I pray that we would avail ourselves to the grace God has made available for us to true submission and become channels for the transformation of our marriages.
God bless you.