What happens when someone who you have invested your trust in, disappoints you, someone, you love sins against you, the person who you look up to for comfort hurts your feelings? How do you feel when such a person breaks your heart? You will agree with me that people who hurt us most are those close to us. As wives our husbands at one time or the other do hurt us, they inflict pain on us either mentally or both mentally and physically. It can be very devastating when someone you love and care for turns hostile towards you and treats you with resentment. Don’t you think such a person deserves a double portion of what he did? As a Christian woman what do you think should be meted with that kind of attitude? For me, in my early married life, whenever my husband sins against me, I used to cut off my normal communication with him and talk only when necessary, and this could last for weeks (depending on the magnitude of the wrong done to me).
However, I later realized that that attitude does not portray Christ. As a child of God, He requires me to represent Him where ever and whenever not minding the situation surrounding me. Therefore my attitudes towards those who sin against me must depict the character of Christ. So how can we portray the character of Christ when our husbands wrong us? The Preacher sermon outline Bible(PSOB NT, page 115) provides us with the following principles-
- We must understand that there is always a reason why our husbands may wrong us. Their attitude may come as a result of a hurt from others so the reprisal effect would be extended to us. Sometimes it may be as a result of a disappointment from the office, friends or other sources and they need attention from us in order to be consoled but find none, therefore, they become hostile. Another reason may be a rumor, a gossip or a lie that might have been told to them about us by some close associates, as a result, they develop a suspicious attitude toward us and react over any little mistake done to them.
- We must forbear. “Therefore, if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love,if any fellowship of the Spirit,if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind” (Phil.2:1-2) “ with lowliness and gentleness, with long suffering, bearing with one another in love” (Eph.4:32). As Christians, we must bear with our love ones when they sin against and treat them with love. God Himself bears with us because we sin against Him daily and He bears with us.
- We must forgive. Eph 4:32 says, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” Whatever offenses or how many times you are wronged, the word of God enjoins you as a Christian woman to forgive just as God forgave you through Christ Jesus.
- We must forget the sins that have been committed against us. When you say you have forgiven, you must not harbor in your heart the wrong done to you. “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching for those things which are ahead” (Phil.3:13). “casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ” (2Cor.10:5).
Think of how our relationships with our spouses would have been sweet if we were to abide by these principles, and how God would have been glorified when we live in His love. But can we vouch that, that is true of us, are some of us not filled with the memories of sins committed against us even when we said we have forgiven? As a result, most marriage relationships have become devoid of romance. We live with our spouses as strangers or even as enemies. For some of us, our relationship with colleagues in the office and friends is more cordial than that with our spouses.
When we fail to forgive and forget, we know that we put ourselves in bondage because grudge consumes our emotions and cause all kinds of emotional problems. An unforgiving spirit causes pain and tragedy both to yourself and your spouse. I must confess that I was infected with ulcer as a result of unforgiving spirit in my early married life.
The effects of unforgiving spirit do not end there, but it extends to our children as well. When we harbor resentment in our relationships the environment becomes unfriendly, consequently, we starve our children the love they are seeking from us. You will agree with me that there is a high rate of drugs addictions among our youths today, don’t you think that one of the causes is associated with the way we live with our spouses?
When we fail to forgive and forget, we put ourselves in trouble by praying the Lord’s Prayer. In the Lord’s prayer, we say, “And forgive us our debts As we forgive our debtors” (Mat.6:12).In other words, we are saying don’t forgive us our debts as we have not forgiven our debtors. Are we not cursing ourselves, what will happen to the person that is not forgiven by God? Jesus told a parable about an unforgiving servant whose master forgave him a heavy debt he owed his master, but after being forgiven, he refused to forgive a small debt his fellow servant was owing to him even when the servant pleaded with him. When the master heard of it, he was angry and handed him over to torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.And Jesus said, “So my heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses”(Mat.18:22-35).
Beloved, let’s rise up to the call of Christ so that we do not attract the wrath of God, instead of His blessings upon ourselves and our families.
God bless you.
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