Why every Marriage is Susceptible to Crisis

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Many years ago I happened to be in the house of a young couple who were relations of a friend. Coincidentally some young men were watching the recorded video of the wedding ceremony of that couple. But as soon as the wife walked into the sitting room, she said, “stop that thing, I don’t want to see it”. From all indications, it appeared the couple was already having issues that led to that kind of reaction.

In my own thinking, I thought it was too early for a two years old marriage relationship to be in that state. But I soon discovered that I was mistaken when I came across other couples whose marriage had not reached a year and they were already in crisis.

As a matter of fact, rarely would people go into marriage with the intention to fall apart afterward; we all hope to live as lovers all through. But there we are, we have newly wedded couples having issues that sometimes are hard to resolve.

 

     Satan takes advantage of disagreement in marriage

In like manner, at one time or the other, both young and old couples do experience marital issues. I recall a particular time when our marriage was about six years old, we had a disagreement with my husband. Coincidentally, we were holding a Christian women conference that was centered on Christian marriage. The preacher asked each of us to write ten good things about her husband.

Do you know that  I could not write one good thing about my husband? It does not mean that he was bad; but because that very moment I was nursing some ill feelings against him, and could not think of anything good about him. Can you see how an ordinary disagreement can turn to something else? This is someone I love so much, but within a little time, I could not see any good in him. And it was simply because my husband did not accept my opinion on something we were trying to do.

Has that happened to you?  Perhaps right now you have an issue with your husband and maybe you are feeling the same way  I felt. I am here to tell you that it is normal to disagree but you have to be careful the way you handle it. A simple disagreement if not contained is capable of throwing your relationship into a serious crisis.

In the first place, why would a simple disagreement between spouses developed into a serious crisis? These are lovers that on a normal day would not want to hurt each other; why the sudden change? The fact that we have individual differences and can disagree should not give room for simple issues to escalate into a crisis, yet it does to many couples. The simple reason behind all that is the deceiver of the brethren is working in the background.

A lesson from the Parable of the wheat

The parable of the wheat told by Jesus in Matt.13:24-28 gave me a picture of what the devil does in our minds. In the parable, a farmer sowed good seed on his field; but in the night his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat and went away.

It appears to me that the devil does the same thing to our minds. The time we fell in love with our spouses and entered into holy matrimony, none planned to betray the relationship. The whole thing was to live happily as long as we live.  But like the farmer who thought all was well with his farm, we assume our wishes would be horses. After the wedding, we are carried away with the ecstasy of the honeymoon and think it would continue like that. But after a while, those feelings disappear, and our differences become obvious by the way we disagree on certain things. Unknown to us, the devil influences our minds and magnifies the whole thing.  Before you know it, you have developed a different picture of your spouse in your mind.

The craftiness of the Devil

Now, if you don’t notice that trick, you can easily see your husband as your enemy, and not the devil. When that happens, you would develop a defense mechanism to counter anything he says or does that you don’t agree with. Meanwhile, the same influence of the devil is having an impact on his mind as well and triggers him to act in certain ways. The result? Both of you become resistant to each other, and your marriage is thrown into crisis.

          He wants to destroy us

Satan’s aim is not only to destroy our marriage but our peace. He knows it will be difficult for a couple to enjoy the peace of God when they are having unresolved issues. And without the peace of God in our lives, we can’t live a fruitful life.

Perhaps you might say I am trying to be too spiritual by blaming the devil for the failures of our spouses. I guess you might have read what Jesus said about him? Jesus said,

Jesus called the devil thief. What does a thief does, steal isn’t it? And most times he steals what is precious to the owner. In like manner, the devil tries to steal our joy and peace, and when we are joyless, does life make any meaning again? I guess your answer is no.

With regard to that, I  know some women, who developed serious health challenges as a result of unresolved marital issues. I think you see reason in what I am saying?

  How to protect your marriage relationships from the attack of the evil one

So, we must build a hedge around our marriage relationship so that the enemy does not get his way through. When we get distracted and he finds his way in, we must create an exit point for him as quickly as possible.

The naked truth is, you (the woman) is the best person to do that; because God gave us a special ability in that regard than the men.

The book of proverb 14:1 says,

“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands”.

This implies that the woman has the ability to make her marriage stand the test of time. It does not mean that she is not hurt when the test comes, but she has the ability to endure it. Perhaps that is why the woman can easily relieve her hurts by shedding tears.

But the point I am making here is not about shedding tears, rather developing the ability to guard our minds. You need to judge what to take into consideration and what not. And we can do that by selecting the kind of information we take in. Any information that is likely to trigger your emotions negatively try to avoid dwelling in it; try to dispel it as soon as possible.

The scripture says,

“Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life”. Prov.4:23

It means we must guard our thoughts because whatever we say or act starts from the heart. No wonder Apostle Paul in his letter to the Philippians in his conclusion said this:

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things” Phil.4:8

     What God’s word can do for you

When our hearts are filled with those virtues it would be difficult to get carried away by someone’s negative behavior. If only what you think of is true, pure,  and lovely (but some truths are not pure and lovely) you can overcome evil with good.

But another question is how do you control your mind to subject it to those kinds of thoughts? The solution is found in the Holy Bible; there is the secret of a successful life. Prov.4:20-22 says,

“My son (includes my daughter), give attention to my words, incline your ear to my saying, do not let them depart from your eyes; keep them in the midst of your heart; for they are life to those who find them, and health to all their flesh”.

Study the word with diligence; let it occupy your heart than anything. When your heart is filled with God’s word the Holy Spirit takes charge of your thoughts, and the devil can’t find his way in. You would be able to contain any negative attitude of your husband, and as time goes by, he would change. There is power in the word of God.

Jesus came to give us life to its fullness; we must not allow the devil to deprive us of enjoying that life. It is God’s Will that we enjoy His peace while on earth and in the life beyond.  Christ is able to give you peace that Satan cannot take away. 

Our Lord Jesus said, “

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(John 15:27)

In like manner, make room and embrace that peace in your marriage